An Explanation...

I feel like there are times when I have to explain myself.  In the most recent past I kept hearing people say "you're crazy" or "I'm sure you'll wish you didn't say that!"  Well to be honest I'm not crazy and I do not wish to take back anything I have said about me, the baby, and our journey.

I know myself...
I know my baby...
I know for sure that babies freak me out!  Figuratively, literally, in reality, all of the above.  I have always felt this way.  I can distinctly remember a number of times where friends of mine would plop their babies in my lap, walk away with them in the stroller by me, pass them off to me, etc and I always froze.  My thought has always been "what am I supposed to do with this thing?" 

I have always been better with toddlers.  They can talk to you, choose things that they want to do, tell you if they are mad, sad, happy, bored...how much easier is that?!  I had a job in college working at the on campus day care and I loved it.  I got to act like a 4 year old at the end of most of my school days.  I got to climb the gym, color, tickle, throw snowballs, build snowmen, and all the good stuff! 

When I said that I (guiltily) HATED breastfeeding, I meant it.
When I said that I was (guiltily) GLAD when I stopped breastfeeding, I meant it.
When I said that I was glad that my baby started eating food food, I meant it. 
So when I said that I couldn't wait for my baby to walk, I meant it.
And now when I say that I am sooo glad my baby is walking, I mean it.
And yes, I CANNOT WAIT for my baby to start talking.  I really mean it. 

Am I sad that my baby is growing up?  Yeah, but not really.  I knew that I was NOT going to enjoy having a newborn around.  It wasn't for lack of sleep.  I am always tired anyway, am a horrible sleeper, and have a hard time going back to sleep when awoken, so that wasn't much of a change.  It wasn't for lack of preparation.  We took childbirth classes, breastfeeding class, and the like.  Plus we were had A BABY!  Life was supposed to change, our routine was supposed to change, our priorities were supposed to change!  All of a sudden, I knew that I couldn't wait for her to be a little girl.

I don't feel like knowing all this has prompted change, I think it has just come to be change.  I feel that when the time in life comes for growth, change, and responsibility, your being automatically just manages.  I found that despite all the input coming from all directions in my life on being a mother, I simply just did.  Was it what I was supposed to do?  Who knows, but I can tell you that it worked for us: my husband, myself, and most importantly our baby.  So I guess that's the explanation.  I know what I know about us, and I definitely know that what we do works. 


Our baby is clearly also glad that she is walking as evidenced by this video!  All I can say is "yay for walking!" I guess.